This is a categorized collection of Mennonite Jokes that I at least find amusing.

Cheap Mennonite Jokes
*Mennos are stereotypically cheap, myself included. Here is a taste of just how cheap we are.
You Believe That?
*These jokes poke fun at Mennonite beliefs and practises, but don't worry, I am a practising Mennonite.
General Mennonite Jokes
*These jokes couldn't fit in anywhere else
Seperate Pages of Jokes
*Some jokes just couldn't fit on this page, so check this list of seperate pages
Seperate Pages
Special Mennonite Jokes
*This is the oddest section of my page, but reading it will certainly be worthwhile. It contains top ten lists, song lyrics, etc.
Slightly Longer Mennonite jokes
*These jokes are worth the read, but I thought it would be better if I would seperate them from this page of mostly one liners.


Wanted: more Mennonite jokes. These are starting to get old. If you have any that you don't see here, send them in.

Cheap Mennonite Jokes
Q. What is a Mennonite ethical dilemna?
A. Free dance lessons.

Q. What is the difference between a Mennonite and a canoe?
A. A canoe tips.

Q. How do you fit 40 Mennonites in a phone booth?
A. Tell them that there is a quarter in the change slot.

Q. How was copper wire invented?
A. Two Mennonites were fighting over a penny.

Q. What's the difference between a Mennonite and a Hutterite?
A. The Mennonite's too cheap to buy the uniform.

You Believe That?
Q. What's the difference between a Mennonite and a Lutheran?
A. A Lutheran will say hello at a liquor store.

Q. Why don't Mennonite women wear sleeveless dresses?
A. They aren't allowed to bare arms

Q. How many Mennonites does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Punchline #1
A. 160. First you need 40 people in the lightbulb selection committee, then 40 people in the lightbulb purchasing committee, then 40 people in the light socket location committee, and finally you need 40 people in the electricity modulator committee.
Punchline #2
A. Seven, one to make the actual switch, and six to stand around complaining that they liked the old one better.
Punchline #3
A. Change?

Q. How do you know Adam was a Mennonite?
A. Who else could stand beside a naked woman and be tempted by a fruit?

Q. Why do Mennonites never make love standing up?
A. It might lead to dancing.

Q. Why don't Mennonite go to the Orchestra?
A. They heard that they have sax and violins.

Q. What do you say to a fellow Mennonite at a dance club?
A. Nothing. You ignore them, and they'll ignore you.

General Mennonite Jokes
A young boy was telling his mother about a school play about a Mennonite family that he was going to be in. When he said that he would play the part of the father, his mother replied, "You should have asked for a speaking role."

Q. How do you break a Mennonite's finger?
A. You punch him in the nose.

Q. How do you break his neck?
A. You walk around his van.

One day there was van of Mennonites driving up the highway, and they saw a sign that said maximum 50, so they let off seven people.

I was thinking of visiting some friends in Manitoba, and I asked if I would have a place to stay. They said, "Oh yeah, you're Morden welcome."

Q. What do you call a bad Mennonite poet?
A. Corny Reimer.

Q. Why are Mennonite guys particularly afraid of meeting their dates' father?
A. They might play the Mennonite game, and win.


PS - Feel free to send me an e-mail. Just click on my name. Last Updated on August 27, 2003 by William Loewen