One day, a barber was cutting the hair of a catholic priest. When he was done,
the priest got up and was ready to pay the barber, but he refused to payment, saying,
"I don't accept money from leaders of the church." The priest insisted, but to no avail.
So, the next day when the barber opened his shop, he found two apple pies on his doorstep.
Later on, this barber was was giving a haircut to a Jewish rabbi. When he was done, the
Rabbi got up to pay the barber, but again he refused payment, despite the insistence of the
Rabbi. He said, "No, I don't accept money from religious figures." So, the next morning,
the barber found a dozen bagels on his doorstep.
Another time he was giving a haircut to a Mennonite minister, and the same thing happened
again. As the Mennonite minister got up to pay for the haircut, the barber again refused payment.
Saying again how he wouldn't accept money from leaders of the church. So, the next day the barber
opened his shop to find five Mennonite ministers waiting for haircuts.
Submitted by Glen Mast BMH One Friday Jacob Yoder was driving down the road
and saw a sign advertising the lottery. The sign said "WIN 7 MILLION
DOLLARS THIS SATURDAY". Jacob thought about this for a few minutes and decided that this would
be a good thing if he won. After all the church was behind on their
budget and he always gave ten percent of what he made. So right there
he prayed "Lord if you let me win this Saturday I'll not only give ten
percent but in fact I'll give 15 percent". Saturday evening came
and Jacob didn't win. But neither did anyone else. Now the sign said "WIN 15 MILLION
DOLLARS THIS SATURDAY". Jacob thought about this and decided "The Lord
must need some money not only for the church but also some for missions".
So he prayed "Lord if you let me win this Saturday I'll give 25%".
Saturday came and he didn't win. But neither did any one else.
Lottery fever was starting to catch on and by Friday the jackpot was up
to 35 million dollars. Jacob pondered this for a while and decided
that the Lord must need some money for the Mennonite colleges also so he
prayed "Lord if you let me win this Saturday I'll donate 50% of the winnings". Saturday came and he didn't win.
But neither did anyone else! Now lottery fever was rampant.
People were coming from other states to buy tickets. Some people
were betting their savings on winning. By Friday the jackpot stood at 100
Million dollars! Jacob stared at the sign for a long time.
Then he bowed his head and prayed "Lord I'm sorry that I was being so greedy.
If you let me win this Saturday I'll donate 90% of the winnings".
After all thought Jacob "10% of 100 million will still make me a rich man!"
Saturday came and he didn't win and someone else did. Jacob just
couldn't understand this. Hadn't he offered to give 90% of it to
God? In desperation he cried out loud "GOD...why didn't you let me
win? I said that I would give 90% to you!" As he lay there
sobbing a loud deep voice suddenly boomed out "Jacob why didn't you meet
me halfway and spend a dollar for a ticket?"
Submitted by Don - There are these three ministers on a boat.
A Baptist, a Catholic and a Mennonite. The boat is sinking in stormy
seas. The Baptist minister yells to the catholic "I haveta confess.
I had an affair with our church secretary and with another member!"
The Catholic priest realises that it's his turn to make peace with his
maker and confess his sins as he yells back to the Baptist "I've gotta
confess myself. I tend to nip a little at the holy water when noone
else is around and enjoy getting plastered." The listening Mennonite
minister just stood there, listening with his mouth wide open. The storm died down and the boat was afloat.
All are relived, but the Baptist and the Catholic minister are concerned
about their confessions. They turn to the Mennonite minister and
encourage him to confess his secret sin, also. The old Mennonite minister sat silent for a moment,
debating wether or not to drag a skelleton out of his closet. Finally,
he said "I have a real problem that neither of you would understand."
The Baptist minister says "Well, speak up!" The Mennonite minister,
in a sigh of resignation, said "I really find it difficult to keep myself
from gossiping."
Once upon a time there was a group of Mennonites living in a small remote valley. It happened that there was also a group of Catholics living in the same area. For as long as anyone could remember, the two groups had coexisted without any problems. The Mennonites married other Mennonites and had Mennonite babies who grew up to do the same. In this way, the Mennonite population flourished. The Catholics did the same, and their population grew as well. All was well until the valley began to get too crowded. Mennonites and Catholics alike knew that something must be done about the problem. Since the Catholics did not want to leave their happy home, they decided the only logical solution was to force the Mennonites to leave. So they asked the Mennonites to pack up and leave. The Mennonites, of course, being opposed to any sort of change, did not look favorably upon this request and thought that perhaps the better idea would be for the Catholics to leave. Both groups agreed that one group had to leave, but they did not know how to decide whom. In the end, it was decided that they would hold a debate between one Mennonite and one Catholic, and whoever won the debate would get to remain in the valley. There was only one rule for the debate: no verbal communication would be allowed.
The Mennonites selected their pastor to debate their side, and the Catholics chose their priest. On the day of the debate, everyone in the valley gathered to watch the big event. The Catholic priest started the debate by pointing his finger and shaking his hand once. In response, the Mennonite pastor pointed his finger and shook his hand three times. Next, the priest opened his hand and made a wide circular motion with his arm. The pastor then pointed his finger and shook his hand once. Then, the priest got out the bread and the wine and served all the Catholics. After that, the pastor got out an apple and started eating. At this, the priest cried out, "I give up! He's too good. I guess we will have to leave."
So, the Catholics started packing up their things to leave. As they were leaving, the Catholics asked the priest, "What was said during the debate?" The priest said, "Well, first I shook my hand once to say that God is one. Then he shook his hand three times to say, 'Yes, but God is three.' Then I waved my arm to say that God is everywhere, and he pointed his finger to say, 'Yes, but God is here.' So, I served communion to remind us of our salvation from sin through the blood of Christ. Then he got out an apple and ate to remind us of the original sin."
Meanwhile, the Mennonites were curious to know what had been said, so they asked the pastor what he had said that made the priest give up. The pastor said, "I'm not really sure. First he pointed at me to say, 'YOU must leave.' So I shook my hand three times to say, 'No! You leave!' Then he waved his arm around to say, 'Go somewhere else.' So I pointed my finger and said, 'We're staying right here.' But the next part is the part I just don't understand. He got out his lunch, so I got out mine!"
